If Timmy jumped off a bridge . . .

This is always on my mind and sometimes comes to the forefront - the fact that so many people would be followers rather than taking the risk of standing away on their own. "If Timmy jumped off a bridge, would you?" Well, for most people, the answer is probably "yes." It's easier to go with the flow, than risk censure or ridicule. As the line goes in the movie "1776" sung to John Adams - "you're obnoxious and disliked, that cannot be denied." Well, if it weren't for that rabble rouser - maybe we wouldn't be independent.

And then that made me think of the poem that's often attributed to Herr Martin Niemoller:

"First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a communist; Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a socialist; Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist; Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew; Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak out for me."

If we actually spoke out more, maybe there'd be less bullying, less apathy (obviously), more choice, more acceptance, more interaction. Try it - speak your mind and see how uncomfortable people are - they don't want to challenge you - they're afraid of conflict. So, in the end they either leave you or they put up with it, or they, in fact, develop their own sense of self. I don't encourage hate-speak - that's just cruel and useless. But, then, say someone does promote their beliefs and they're mean? Do you speak out, look nervous or ignore them? Speak out! Say you disagree with them - it's OKAY to disagree - to have your own viewpoint.

I often joke that I have no white, heterosexual friends - it's not true - but it's a point of pride with me. I may never understand the views or lives of my friends, but I want to and I want to believe in them, even if I can't agree - they're valuable - my friends and their beliefs. Because, I would hope they'd accept me and my views. I want to speak out for them, so they'll speak out for me. Often, I will, much to their chagrin.

If we expect everyone to fall into set parameters - how dull a life must we have? Are we so afraid to hear different viewpoints? Fear is controlling and that's how the evil wins. That's where the pain comes from.

Example/lesson - I had friends who I loved fiercely - my friends are my family - I trust them implicitly because I expect they love me just as much. I reached out to them, made myself available, supported them, encouraged them - you get the picture - I acted like a friend. However, I went outside their accepted parameters by showing my dark side and they cut me off. Pain? Yes. After so many years - my heart still aches for them. I tried to see their point of view. NOTE - always try to see others' points of view - it opens your mind. Even not fully understanding - I knew they were angry so I apologized - and was not forgiven. One friend even turned me away as I tried to apologize. The pain took my breath away and made me doubt my worth, my life, everything. To add insult to injury, as it were, when one of my friends told me they no longer wished to see me - they also had to let me know that I was a terrible person. See? Cruelty? Is it needed? Never.

When someone apologizes - forgive them. You may not forget - ever, but forgive. God forgives - why can't we? Seriously, why can't we? Would that we could forget. But I wonder with the not-forgetting - we hold it to punish ourselves more so than the person? A sort've self-flagellation?

In the end - after many years of angst and brooding (how immature) - I had/have to realize that perhaps these people were never my friends. I was their's - I loved them, faults and all. But they never understood that. Funny, how people never realize that they are not perfect and that they may have angered/hurt you deeply. So, realize this before you say something. We are, none of us, perfect. And we all have our dark moments. We all have faces that we hope others never see. It scares us, so it should scare others. But we should admit that we are no angels, so why expect others to be perfect?

I strongly believe that every person one meets - there's a reason - a lesson to learn. Or they're to learn something. Sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't. Maybe I knew these people to realize that acceptance and love aren't a way of life with others. To kill some of my "rose-tinted glasses" way of seeing things. Maybe it's to show me that maybe I can't be myself all the time - that sometimes I have to curb myself. We have to wear masks, even when we hate it. It did, though, create a stronger bond with another friend - who, being my newest friend at that time, forgave me! He forgave me - and we've never looked back. And, trust me, he has quite a temper. ^_^

Friendships/relationships are valuable - even with being honest - you still have to think. The friends I have - most I've known for 20+ years - so I must be doing something right. And, here's something we should do - think before we speak - it's difficult. Especially for me. But, if a friend pisses me off - I (most of of the time - not always) bite my tongue. And give it a night or a day or two to work its way through my brain. Is it worth hurting someone over something trivial/momentary? If it is - then speak up. If it isn't - let it go. Let. It. Go. In the end - that person's more valuable than your ego and your feelings. Note, I said trivial/momentary - not injust or cruel or bigoted.

Oh, and never ever tell someone "you should know how I feel" - that's "so high school" as it were. Unless we grew up from day one and were inseparable - then, no, I don't know how you feel/think. I'm not a mind-reader. And if I were - well, this blog wouldn't exist.

So, speak up for injustice. Speak up for your friends and loved ones. Speak up. Don't let bullies win. For God's sake - don't give in. Don't yield. Don't always take the easy way. Painful? Lonely? Yes. But do you want to live or exist? Do you want to face God and have Him show you the movie of your life and all you see are the many, many times you did nothing? Sometimes, the road less traveled is much more interesting.