Assumption Junction & Justification City

With apologies to "Grammar Rock" - Assumption Junction - What's your function? Making up rules and justifications.

One - Never assume someone's well just because they look well and sound well. After my "major surgery" (this is the term used by my surgeons whenever I mention something's bothering me - "Remember, you've just had 'major surgery.' ") - I'm still having bad headaches, various aches and other problems. Unfortunately, since I don't have a major incision for all the world to see - all the world assumes I'm fine and dandy, dandy and fine. Wrong assumption. Move along. I'll have to write about this - me and my tumor who I nerdishly named Jenova.

Two - Here's a lesson - When someone tells you they value honesty above all things - laugh loudly and lie. Because, if you haven't learned this yet - it's BULL you-know-what! Never assume anyone ever wants to hear the truth. Now, being honest is a good thing. I encourage it - people hate the truth so learn to say it nicely. Never point out that the Emperor is naked, but say, "Oh, sir, by the way, have you considered another outfit? That one's so . . . daring."

Three - And when you meet a woman who prides herself on being a bitch - and thinks it's cool if you're also one - laugh even louder and never assume she means it.

Four - If you ever tell someone, to their face, "I'm going to be grumpy," "I am grumpy," "Please understand, I'm not in a good mood," "I'm in an anti-social mood right now" and they nod and say "I understand" - put it in writing and have them sign it! So, when, later they accuse you of SUDDENLY being a terrible person, show them the proof they claimed they would understand! Never, ever, never assume they actually HEARD you!

Five - When Cat (why I capitalized it, I don't know, but cats are cool) people tell you "You can judge a person by how a cat treats them" and they go off and off about how cats are great judges of character and then their cat loves you, but the person hates you, assume they'll find a way to make you the bad person. "My cat may have rubbed all over them, and purred and loved to be held by them, and ran to be by their side, but in truth, my cat was really afraid." Welcome to Justification City! We all have lived there and we still visit from time to time.

Now, I'll put in one caveat - people from the East coast - *raising hand* - and certain astrological types - *raises other hand because I'm a Sagittarius* - are blunt, honest, and well, not the most likeable. But, I look at it this way (and this is how I'll justify it) - if I'm painfully honest with you, it means I like you, respect you, and think you're absolutely cool. And you're strong enough to take it (and still like me). Or I wouldn't be painfully honest. So you have to assume I have the highest respect for you and justify it by muttering "Damn Yankee" behind my back.

Or, it's because I'm a lousy liar and found out, early in life, honesty is just easier than trying to remember all the lies I've made up.

Oh - 'nother lesson - caught in a lie? Just 'fess up, look like a dork, ask forgiveness and move along.